“Now I have become Death, the destroyer of worlds,” she spoke into the microphone, toggling the little nub on and off in her anxiety and excitement; feeling the metallic cold and the carefully etched ridges against her fluorescent, scaly skin. She used to be human, or at least that is what she made herself out to be for around a millennia of time. Time choked in chemical and biological reactions, that made her sneeze. She never could escape the feeling of her skin crawling.
The faint EM burst under ship, well to be specific the ships cloaking device, and her pursuers turned to chase. She relished in these moments. Not too sure if her human habitations rubbed off on her. She never would have enjoyed such a mundane event. It was more so, that she got stuck in the earthly way of thinking. All about the moment. It was fun. But, very demanding to turn off her connections to the universe and intensely focus on the micro scale. The scale where molecules reside. The universe couldn’t care less about a single chemical bonding with another random puzzle piece. Or a moment in time. Even less so about the feeling and emotions that might cause in an insignificant biological being. It cared about the macro scale, the galaxian scale. The scale where communications happened from one galaxy to another. It relished in the huge. She learned that there was a threshold that was simply noise. That was the human realm. But, yet it seeped through her scales and into her conscience. By the very nature of being there, this Schrodinger idea, killed the tenuous galaxaial level of connecting. Yet, it excited her and she pursued it, against the wishes of those in her life. Even if they were galaxies apart.
The seals around her helmet hissed as she pulled it off. Piece by piece she left her EVA suit floating in the dark. As long as she was not compressed into the micro environment she was safe to float about. She could see in other spectrum, and interact with radiation, magnetic, and other phenomena of the macro universe. She just didn’t feel herself. She was hiding in her given manifestation. She hated it. It made her sick. She wanted to vomit. Sure, she loved the benefits of being on a connected level with her galactal kin, but there was something tenuously pulling her towards the side she shouldn’t be in. The shapes, and senses, and feelings, and likenesses all came crashing about here in a truth. A truth she needed. A truth she thrived for. A truth that could kill her. She swirled about, her hair gliding in all directions, catching planetary glimmers and waving back at the universe.
The cabin was blackness, save for the shimmering sea of emergency lights and readouts. She look into the windows from outside. That shell that engulfed her, her cocoon, her entryway into the light of her life. Her prison. The harshness of the metal canister coldly giggled back at her. Teasing her to climb back in it and be herself. Even for a moment. She danced and swirled around the casket floating through space and time. Listening to the chirps of the universe. Demanding answers from the planets that hissed at her for being withing that button laden machine. Buttons everywhere, blinking back at her. Begging to be pushed. Begging for her to be her true self. Demanding she pop back into it, encapsulate her head, and begin to breath the sweet earthly delights. Little LEDs winked in her direction as if to share in her despise for her current body. Her glinting scales, and green ooze. But, most of all for her macro abilities. They were just not what the earthling biologic could understand. It was too difficult for them. They tried. But they fell so far from the mark that she had to burst out laughing.
Passive sensors still tracked the Nova Bomb as it raced at nearly a tenth the speed of light toward the center of this system. She shivered in anticipation as her green ethereal self, and then began to make choices. Choices that chirped back into her macro world and sped out towards galaxies that were million of galaxies apart. They cracked back at her in response. Filled with hate, and death, and despise for her forsaking her given form. How could she abandon them. How could she defy the sense of self that was handed to her by time. Thrust upon her by the very fabric of this universe. She shouted back at them in fear. Her voice shaking as she blasted her desired forth. Glimmers of her hidden choices sped forth through the universes. They completely freaked out. Her choices, her decisions were not taken lightly, just as she feared. All she wanted was to live, not die, to connect, not reshape anyone else. Her soul was being ripped from her being. Shredded by others. She grasped at the small things she had mistakenly shed to the open public universal forum and grew wearily of fighting. She should fight. This was her being. She wanted to be whoever she wanted to be. They should have no right. But, the macro universe understood the significance and couldn’t bear to watch it unfold. She swirled around to the cockpit windows and look in.
Glowing below, the console showed that the ships faster than light systems were nearly spooled. The alien fleets closed in around her, and the navigation computers couldn’t solve for a way out. She forgot about her problems of self and focused on the issue at hand. Almost choking as she to death, as she went from the macro to the micro. Forgetting that she needed a protected helmet, oxygen, and other tools to help her hide while she crawled back to the realm of chemistry, molecules, and uncontrollable emotions. She clawed her way back into the airlock portal.
She had seen the effects of a Jump from inside the system, and unfastened the harness of her cockpit chair. She was too close to too many gravitation bodies, and even if she lived and her ship was intact, the Jump will not be easy. She didn’t want things to touch her, lest they be fused together after the failed Jump. An odd mixture of the galactic and molecular. She could never happily roam through the universe that way. But, she must do something, and fast. She couldn’t bounce back and forth anymore. She had to choose, and stay, and cultivate it.
The creatures’ weapons detonated millions of kilometers away, but still lit her cockpit through the blast shielding. She could feel the twinkly kisses of heat that marked the bursts of hard radiation. If she lived through the Jump, she could worry about her personal problems later.
She had to keep the monsters busy, and let the bomb reach the star. The resplendent fires of a billion years’ worth of solar fuel would cleanse this system of the threat to all life; An experiment that ran amok, a beast that simply could not be tamed. The monsters screamed into the dark, calling for the end all of other species on a micro level. It was fitting that her task was to do the same to them, and of herself. Her heart ached with the thought of a molten rock that was once Earth.
Beams and bombs lanced across the monitors as the monsters loomed in the empty space between planets. She knew if she waited too long, the bomb would have taken her gravity point away, dumping the spooler and stranding her here.
The ships cloak fails as one of the many random fusion bombs washes too many particles across her shimmering hull. The radiant burst alerts all the nearby ships to her location, and she watches across the light barrier as her macro self as they turn toward her, clawing at the space between with brilliant arcs of fire and anger.
The countdown reaches zero. The bomb cannot be intercepted at this point. In a few short minutes this entire system will cease to exist. Her desire to remain true to herself will be gone forever. And maybe, to have existed at all would be nothing but a streak of color in the inky blackness of space. She didn’t fuss too much with the causal paradoxes that came with her ships FTL drive.
She pressed the button.
The Universe dropped away into a single finite point, the human craft spread out across the entirely of time and space. Her hair blew in the solar winds of galaxies long burnt out. The warm of eternity awaited. She was herself in that moment.
Then instantly ceased to exist.
It was worth it for that one brief micro moment.
Story inspired by this painting done by MendyZ:
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